I am the ultimate Facebook stalker

I'd be willing to bet that the creators of Facebook never anticipated it being used like this, but seriously. This was necessary.

I attended a beautiful musical fireside tonight. I was a little bit late (trying to make myself look like I had not just woken up) and my cute sparkly shoes were really noisy on the concrete when I was walking in. So my friend and I just sat down as soon as possible in a section of the gym where nobody was sitting. A few minutes later 3 boys came strolling in and sat down right behind us. Putting my college education to good use, I can assure you with 100% certainty that these boys are only here to surf. I could just tell. And really, given the 100s of open seats, I am baffled as to the reason they sat down right behind me.

Immediately after taking their seats, they proceeded to begin a conversation. Nobody was around to "shhhhh" them so they just kept on talking in their normal voices. I learned that Boy A loves hotdogs and he wished he were eating a hot dog right now. Boy B had some kind of operation where they "stuck a huge needle in my neck and then I threw up. Dude it was sick" And Boy C was only there because some girl named Amanda was supposed to meet him there. After he received a text saying she wasn't coming he "had no reason to be there." They talked about baseball and made fun of the singing. Boy A announced he had to go the bathroom and got up and tromped out. Cue Boy B having to "go with him." (For a second I thought they were girls!)

Once all three musketeers were back in their seats texting and discussing if they'd ever had a crush on a teacher, I turned around and gave them the look. The look that politely says "hey please be quiet some of us are trying to listen." But they didn't get the hint. When I turned around, I discovered something very exciting. I knew Boy B. I mean we aren't friends. (Obviously or I would have known about his operation.) But I knew his name from one of my classes.

Right in the middle of their conversation about which is better Monster or Red Bull, I was getting annoyed. I whipped out my Blackberry, got on Facebook, hunted down Boy B's page (which thankfully had his cell number) and composed a text message that said this:

"SHUT UP! Tell your friends! Thanks, The Girl in Front of You"

Then I waited for his phone to vibrate, announcing he had received my little message.

He did.

And there was dead silence the rest of the fireside.